I calmly told him that I wasnt in love with him, but I did feel some attraction and that I accepted the liquor and the kiss because I was curious to find out if there was anything between us. Biological ones. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. So this was the whole tone in which I recounted it to hubby, ergo, he thought it was amusing (the event and my comeback), flattering to him *and* reassuring. I was drunk but that is no excuse. It's good you feel guilty, that means your not cheating pond scum. When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. You're denying him that right and being selfish. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. Updated January 27, 2023 by ReGain Editorial Team. To tell versus Not to tell (and everything that has a bearing). So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. I had three We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. 14 Effective Ways To Get Over The Guilt Of Cheating - A Conscious Rethink She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman; I'm dating this guy and have been for about 2 months. If I some how knew which thread to follow to I'd go. I think my husband will not forgive me. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! For what possible reason? You came to your sences and stopped this from going any farther. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' This is what I'd do because my relationship with my husband is stellar and we both want to keep it that way, and it's such precisely BECAUSE we're this 24/7 honest and transparent with each other (Speak-Your-Thoughts machines). I could list so many reasons why, but instead Ill just list a few. Cell phones, texting, emails etc. I think its interesting that you put in the innocent and the guilty kiss. When Having A Crush While In A Relationship Is OK (And When - HuffPost :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. ;-) But maybe I should have My thoughts are that he has been persuing her. I'm so confused. :-*. :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. As I left, the boy who I kissed came with me and I tried my best to shrug him off. A few people here will recommend MC but it really depends on what you can tolerate. Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. You have a number of choices in terms of how to deal with what happened. female I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. (y) He deserves to know. Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. And the tricky piece de resistance As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. I reassured my husband that this would never happen again and that I was sorry. So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. Press J to jump to the feed. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. I've noticed that other threads here haven't lasted very long. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. Other than that, I've said everything that needs saying soyou lot carry on if you want, but I'm sat back, counting the money. If your boyfriend still trusts you- then his faith in your fidelity moving forward should give you faith in yourself. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. :(. Except with other truth-seekers. I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. I've gone to a couple thread's here recently. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. You're going through tests BY OTHERS to find out why you can't fall pregnant. Make it up to him by being an awesome girlfriend. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. You might feel guilty about it the next day, but it wasnt a big deal. He screamed and raged and then left to the lake and sent me a text saying he cannot trust someone who would make an unwise decision like that. Anon Pink, 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands. , By entering this site you declare I want to break down and cry. Your punishment is living with this. But I can't leave my job. He kissed another woman | Talk About Marriage I am not someone that cheats on people, I am just a nice lad who gets carried away in the moment when drunk. Married woman slaps sleazebag's face and leaves. I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You cheated. Youre not homosexual until youre actually attracted to dudes., MORE : Bella Thorne reveals she is bisexual by kissing a girl in surprise Snapchat, MORE : These are the UKs most powerful LGBT people, Doctor explains why some men faint or get nosebleeds when they get an erection, This is the number of sexual partners the average Brit has had, Mum in coven manifests orgasms and schedules sex magick with husband, Post-pill clarity: I came off contraception and didnt fancy my partner anymore, How I Do It: Its empowering to have a guy over and pleasure myself afterwards, follow-up video of straight girls kissing other girls for the first time, Bella Thorne reveals she is bisexual by kissing a girl in surprise Snapchat, These are the UKs most powerful LGBT people, Do not sell or share my personal information. And Ill tell you why by first giving you some context the back. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. Slaying suspect pleads guilty | News, Sports, Jobs - Altoona Mirror Lol Then the women who owns the house went upstairs and never came down. this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. The way I see things, there are innocent kisses, which occur when a person had too much to drink, and then there are guilty kisses, which are precipitated by getting drunk. Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. But you can control whether you nurture the crush or acknowledge it and move on. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. Because just as everyone else is saying, if you did the RIGHT thing, you shouldn't feel guilty. View related questions: End of story. There is more going on. If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. I kissed another Man, please help. - Netmums It is the gateway to another feeling. Add your answer to this question! If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. I didnt tell him. female I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. We've not made it exclusive yet but we did agree to not see other people at the beginning. I've been Dating a married Albanian man for 6 months already and NOT proud of it.Just wanna share my, Hurt my ex girlfriend, feel guilty and don't know what to do. Even though it took her a while to make that choice, she both never recognized her role and then made a series of bad choices after. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. You reap what you sow. Sums it up nicely. This recently happened to me. You're not attracted to him? California coastal beeches will leave you saying -America not too shabby.. Can't take anything from South of France-doesn't everybody go there? Lees theory has a big vulnerability. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) I wouldn't want him around the person. I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. ;-D. Ahhhh you're back! But we have spoken since about it a lot. By clicking 'Accept and continue' you consent to our use of cookies in accordance with your preferences which can be reviewed / updated at any time via our Privacy Policy. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. 507 views, 8 likes, 5 loves, 10 comments, 6 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Scrittori a domicilio: Mattia Insolia, Cieli in fiamme (Mondadori) con. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. LGBTYouTube stars Bria Kam and Chrissy Chambers (BriaAndChrissy) have released a videoexploring what its like for straight guys to kiss other men for the first time. It's just a "good weekend?" And if you're not confessing - to the victim - you're dodging doing time. That left just me, the man and another woman. If the reaction is strong, then maybe dont say anything. New Mexico sunsets flat lands breathtaking. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. How can I get over the guilt of kissing another man? - Female First This. Hi Scope! NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. But living a lie would be so much worse. Turning off notifications, deleting messages, and hiding chat apps may all indicate secrecy. Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. I was devastated. "and even though he said he immediately pulled away" Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch. We use cookies on our site to remember your preferences, monitor site traffic and offer personalised ads. I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! Feeling guilt when dumping the guy : r/datingoverthirty Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. Why don't I feel guilty for kissing another guy? - Quora There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. Thank you. I wonder how that struggle with trust might affect bonding within a romantic relationship contex- oh, wait - could it, would it, on a train in the rain with a fox in a box, Sam-I-Am, possibly always communicate to your husband a sense that you don't fully enough trust *him*, in which case that must mean you're judging him by YOUR standards ergo he'd better hold back a bit just in case? 15 votes, 25 comments. This of course over a year ago. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. I don't know why I need that so much, but I do. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. But, again, it's never what you do, it's the way that you do it, meaning I was careful to be sensitive in the telling. I know I cheated for sure, and thats why I had to confess to my husband that I did it. So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where. What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). We were not drunk. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. I can't stop playing it over again and again. People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy. I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. Live with the soul crushing guilt you earned, or lose your BF. I could tell that he had a thing for you. Don't hurt him any more than you already have. You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" Are you sure all you did was kiss? This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. "then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. I had had an argument with my fianc because I found a suspicious text from a woman , he became very mad . I didnt blame the alcohol because I knew I had feelings for my piano teacher, and I didnt want to pretend the feelings didnt exist. But the guilt is killing me. And Brodie groped James. Does she feel guilty over leaving me for another guy? And as for our original subject, who knows maybe she told him. And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! Have a happy day every one. Dont tell me now that youre in love with him.. 4. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. My wife wants to leave because of this. Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. Don't have an account? He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work). We all should know by now that alcohol affects our judgment and that it can make us less inhibited and cause us to behave in ways in which we never would behave while sober. See what she has to say. Or run away? I am the same way. What if she sabotages the relationship through guilt? If you. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. 3. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. Go to a therapist if you think it could help you work through why this has appealed so much. The fact he told you very soon after is good. Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. That is what separates the women from the girls. Secrets have no place in a marriage. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. That was crazy' and other awkward things. I mean that in a funny way. Here are the frightening ways to know that he gave another girl a kiss ; 1. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. lover. (Sorry you got cheated on. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. So, you went to a party and everyone was drinking. I told him later that I thought it was misunderstood and apologized. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. "Soz". Fear holds you back. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions Not Opening Up To You Anymore I'd be obsessed with it. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. ?We were doing well and I was afraid he would never forgive me. It takes to heal the wounded trust again. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. Kissing that that guy confirmed it. You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? I dont know what else to do. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. He said I was a person and offered to ride me home. . like, by not investing his heart too much via (wait for it) an optimum amount of kisses and cuddles, etc? What should I do. Before delving into my own personal story, Id like to address this subject generally. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A I'm 5 years married to my best friend. 4 days ago. This feels huge to me. Helping ppl have the sex life they truly want thru writing & education. SO if you shouldn't, then A) you should be able to tell him, and B) if he's the type to hit the roof over a kiss, he's a wee bit paranoid for his own good, and it wouldn't be *your* fault. 2. :p Apologize to your SO and tell him that you love him and only him. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. Your guilt is your punishment. BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read. (works every time :-p) I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. Guilt protects our relationships. Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. So what do you think? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I'm not telling him because I don't want to mess this up. "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. WORK. It meant absolutely nothing what so ever but to me, I still class kissing someone else, no matter how long or short time, drunk or not, as cheating! True mistakes get owned and rectified. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. How do I get rid of this guilt feeling of kissing a guy when I was That's a lot to take in. If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. My piano teacher didnt behave like his normal, reserved self and he made suggestive comments to me. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here), but then I was cheated on for years by ExH and I would now put myself first. a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. he said if i started making out with another girl, hed be into it, but if i started getting carried away and disappearing with Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)?