Ms . She doesnt want a guy who isnt ready to grow up (even if hes 30 or 40 years old and hasnt committed to her yet. If youre able to, together, great. You can first use Set Alarm, an app that, Whether youre just starting out, looking to downsize, or searching for the perfect vacation home, condos have a lot of. Thanks for this. It may be a metaphor for transformation. For example: If she was initially attracted to your confidence and humor, make sure to continue being that way, but dont stop there. From that point onwards, youve just got to make sure that every time you interact with her, whether its on a phone call or in person, you making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you. For example: Please baby, dont do this to us. Many of the replies here believe that the man was happy in the relationship and just refused to commit. Do you think that after 3-4 months together you will somehow value her more when nothing changed? When asked by her the reasons I responded saying that I fear I'm too young for marriage and that marriage will . Shes still working at 69. If only they would find it in themselves to get there, to have the life they could have with us, they could heal, they could be loved, they could be happy and we couldn't be happier being right there alongside with them. Grannys Got to Go. Because you think he should be different? Should have given more thought to what SHE wanted at least 7 years ago. Its your life, not theirs. I dont feel it anymore.. Lets move in together/get engaged/get married. This means being HONEST with yourself about what YOU really want, not what your ex-girlfriend, her friends & family, or society want. Is it because you dont want anyone else to have her? So, if you want to get your girlfriend back, dont make any rash, desperate decisions that might cause her to pull away from you even more. We give our all and stay because of our intense love for our men and the hope for the ultimate commitment that proves to the world this is my husband, this is my wife. Together, they have a 24-year-old daughter named April, and Lisa has a 33-year-old daughter named Carly, whom . What Gives? So lets get the elephant in the room out of the way first. I feel for the both of you. Your ego took a hit because she wasnt as rock-solid as you thought, and now youre backward rationalizing how great she is because you miss her presence in your life. Remember that marriage isnt for everybody. You can't let self-pity, or bitterness, fill your head with nonsense. Youll be able to start with a clean slate, rather than always feeling scared that what happened with us will happen again.. She asked why she was not enough. LW 2 WWS Depending on the size of the home, and the number of bedrooms, there may not be a bedroom for the daughter unless Grandma moves out. She could live with her Dad or another family member after all. You remind her how busy you are, and she relents. Personally, I wanted to marry my girlfriend very much from year 1. Bear in mind that women have not always had the opportunities that we have now. With most women, when you arent consistent, they dont feel youre committed. Watch a secret video by Dan Bacon where he reveals the fastest way to get your ex back. Level it up so that youre very confident and now using humor that even funnier and more enjoyable to her (e.g. Next time around, though, be careful. She probably endured shame and her own self-loathing during this long wait. She has a MUCH different definition of commitment. Think back to right before she dumped you and be honest with yourself: how interested in her were you really? Your career and business, overall fitness, habits, and life infrastructure all take time to build, especially in your 20s and early 30s. Anna had been abused over several years by her then-boyfriend and was preparing to take him to court. Now you want her back but she wants nothing to do with you. This is a classic situation of he would be perfect if he could just change this one little thing. For him, the little thing is he has taken full responsibility of his grandmother and shows no signs of ever living apart from her. For example: If your girlfriend was attracted to you initially because of your sense of humor, bring that out every time you interact with her. Instead, she may begin to think, First he wouldnt commit to me and now he wont leave me alone. I said that I don't want marriage instead I want to stay with her in a live-in relationship. Which is really a bigger potential risk to a 12 year old? She really wanted to be with you and saw you as being the one. Its surprising she went along with that as long as she did. I know it now though and I want to make it up to you. What Gives? Where some guys go wrong is by neglecting what has always worked (e.g. She told me she wanted to be married by 28, I was working on making that happen. As long as a person learns from their mistakes and becomes a better person as a result, I think everything improves and moves in the right direction. Use this time to reflect on your own inhibitions. So, when a guy is begging and pleading to a woman, it might temporarily make her feel good that she has so much power over him, but its not going to make her look up to him and respect him as her man, or feel sexual attracted to him. He's the man of your dreams and he says you are the woman of his. Its a shame. female Id sometimes go days or weeks without speaking to him because he only had time for me if he didnt have anything else to do. She reminds me of me and as a loving woman that wants a future holds on to that when they find their other half, which is rare to find these days, especially now that Im 41 and hes 46. Initially, her answer was yes, but by the next morning she'd had time to think about it and decided that she wasn't ready yet, which I understood and so we put the ring on a shelf and I told her that the ball was in her court, to just let me know when she was ready. Did you think that she would put up with it forever, and that therefore not marrying her was the least risky thing? How exactly will that be beneficial to your daughter to move her into an unstable situation? Its just different. I know you probably liked having her around but how much? Well if a commitment is what she wants, then thats what Im going to give her., He might then say to her, Look, I am serious. How has the cost-of-living crisis impacted saving for retirement. Would you break up with someone, because he won't propose? You might have some cognitive dissonance because: You probably describe yourself as a high-energy, motivated guy who gets bored easily. So, make sure that you give your girlfriend enough time between every interaction (i.e. I was a fool not to realize sooner that you are the most important person in my life. LisforLeslie So she thought marriage was a good idea. Im 10 years younger and have absolute horror stories of my early employment history. A Lets back to the simple stuff about you getting her back. You would think that nobody in the world would know more about Harry Potter than the person who wrote the books, but according to JK Rowling an internet . She wants you to be in this for real, without desperately trying to prove that to her. Did She Dump You Because You Wouldn't Commit? Read This She will see her feelings for you as being a sign that you and her arent meant to remain broke up. He has helped men from all over the world to get a woman back and he can help you too. The fashion designer, 48, wore a chic black trouser suit which featured flared . LW2: I dont understand why you dont want your daughter around the grandmother? If we have been dating FOREVER, and there is no proposal when he knows I am marriage minded? Honestly though, this guy sounds like he isnt willing to set a boundary with granny. So, dont waste time pretending to be someone youre not. You can choose to live with him or not, but she doesnt get a choice. By this point you know someone extremely well and youve handled a lot of life together. I cant image after 9 plus years how she stayed, as 2 years being so in love and him avoiding/ being defensive, all the arguments over the marriage talk when hes the one obsessed over me and expects me to play the wife role. It's not because she didn't picture a future with you. My girlfriend broke up my with me because i did not show her the Women of older generations had fewer choices. But I hope he realises why he messed up. What we had was so special. If you still want her back, fair enough. It took me years of research and observation to figure out why Im a commitment-phobe. in reading your message. If you do end up buying a house together in the future then look for one with a separate apartment or MIL suite for grandmother to stay. If you buy property with him later, make sure the plan includes a good future for Grandma; one that gives her a cherished place in your lives. He has given her the run of his house for the past nine years, and when he told her that he wants to marry me and move on, the first words out of her mouth were, Just make sure Im taken care of!. Im sorry if I may sound harsh. But thats not true. We had MANY conversations where I tried to explain myself (which grew more painful every time) and he would cry and act like he understood, and thennothing would change. You are just playing in your mind with how you might get her back by marrying her and still have the upper hand. Outstanding advice to LW1 from Wendy and also signing off to the comment by mellanthe above. Something along the lines of: Holy shit, what have I done? I definitely stuffed up and I never realized what an amazing girl I had until I lost you. his grandmother has lived a life relying on other people . Im thinking of two of you, specifically. The last thing you need to do is to make her feel ill. Or, you can try multi generational housing. He thought everything was going great and my breaking up with him came completely out of the blue. LW2: Yeah, this sounds like too much. Instead, she starts seeing you as an emotionally strong man who has taken responsibility for his actions in a mature way and is doing something to rectify them. We dated for two years. America is weird country when it comes to taking care of elderly relatives. Im asking you to forgive me because you will feel better about yourself and any new relationship you decide to have. Shell be a better man if she doesnt feel pressured by marriage. Wendy nailed it with this response. You need to think about this, because it could mar every single relatonship you have if youre not careful. As each month passed I kept wondering when was he going to propose? she left because i didn 't propose. And clearly, by not really thinking about what you wanted at all until it was too late. To show her that, you need to relax, focus on re-attracting her and not be in a desperate hurry to rush her back into a committed relationship. But I say, to hell with what society thinks, and to hell with what her friends and family think. This is sad to hear that youve only dated your bf for 10 months, then you expect everything to change for own good, while the grandma was taking care of him as a child & she never ever abandoned him. I think her math is fine. She may also want to find someone who is more suitable for her. Sea Witch Or are you more afraid of losing the status quo? These things matter but whats more important is that she FEELS like you are committed. Take your time and think carefully. My Gf of 10 years left because I wouldn't propose. Im sorry, but this is something you have to bear the responsibility for. Just something to think about. No going back. On the other hand, shes a more laid-back, take it easy type girl. I help over 1 million men a year build long-term, masculine happiness after being dumped. That means listening to her when she has something to say and making an effort to change if a change is required. She doesn't want a guy who isn't ready to grow up (even if he's 30 or 40 years old and hasn't committed to her yet. I appreciate your help in any way. For the first few days, you probably didnt care that much, until your feelings hit you like a truck. What Now? ManPerspective That shed stay with you forever, despite feeling rejected?